Hi.... this is technically 1 hour and 23 minutes late.
Swamped by family. sorry. 2 kids and 5 adults in one house is rather a feat for me because im used to only having my mom and sis around but being a host 24/7 for the past 3 weeks is wearing me out. no time to myself or even with friends. just family.
Anyway, reading John 16.
sometimes i do feel angry reading the bible. angry at the people.... only to realize that I'm looking at water which bears my own reflection. I'm angry at the people even though I'm doing exactly what they are doing. Jesus talks to his disciples and tells them He is going away and dying for them. I pictured myself in His position, exclaiming to them my soon to be gruesome death though many others will be nonchalant about it, or even feel smug over it. I stand there, wanting to tell them that this is so they will experience God in greater ways, so that they may have the holy spirit and all the wonders of having Him by their sides, so that they may use my name and have their prayers answered, so that they may the greatest joy and rejoice. So that they will finally understand how much God loves them, how much I love them. but that not all of them will understand these things. some will deny me. some will reject me. some will even betray me just for money. They won't fully understand how much is given to them. They won't realize that they've been given the best gift they could ever imagine or ask for."
and i start to become angry at what a bunch of ignorant people they are..... only to realize that "they" are actually.... myself. I'm "them".
I don't wake up every day realizing what a blessed child i am, what it means to have Jesus died for me. that i have been equipped with the holy spirit, God's personal helper, living by me at all times, which is better than having a personal assistant sticking by my side helping me through, that i can believe in Jesus and use His mighty name and make waves with my prayers because He has that much power and because He wants me to use that power too, that i can be happy and should be filled to the brim with joy at all times because of what He's done and my salvation, and because of my current connection with God, that i can reach Him anytime like dialing my own Jesus wireless and have Him always readily answer any phone calls. IT'S seriously the BEST THING in the world. I'm spoilt. Spoilt by my Father in Heaven like I'm an heiress (Yes! I am a spiritual paris hilton. OMG.) and truly, He has made me an heiress to everything He has.
everyday i wake up, not fully utilizing all of these, even forgetting them. There's so much to remind myself. Well... for a change, I'd like to REALIZE who I am, how I can be, what I can do, instead of living from day to day. I'm a child of God, I can live with faith and assurance in Him, and I have been created to do good works which He prepared in advanced for me to do. 2009 years ago, Jesus died, He rose again, and ever since that day, I have been so blessed. but I know that I can live PURPOSEFULLY this year, remembering that He gave me so much by dying and rising again for me. :] Let the purposefulness start...ready, set, GO!
2 comments:
Haha, I think this is the first time I've heard Paris Hilton and the Bible being used analogously.
Yeah, I had one of those "they" moments recently too (actually, it might've been when I was reading this passage), when I thought I wasn't included in the "they." I even sometimes have to catch myself judging the disciples. It's easy when we already know everything and know how things will turn out...it takes zero faith. When I realize that I'm part of this "they" and have such little faith at times, it's a sobering moment. Definitely always praying for greater faith.
I'm spoiled too...
Just because of the personal things that are going on in my life that may be hectic, I find myself with a spoiled thought thinking I'm at the worst situation of all. And really...I'm not.
I'm blessed in my own way. Because Jesus died for us, so much is given to us. I'm being forgetful of such facts.
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